loneliness isn't a winter issue.

Did you know the feeling of loneliness isn’t a winter issue, but really, its a ‘good weather’ issue. Okay maybe not exactly just ‘good weather’ but the stats show that we experience loneliness more in summer thanwe do in winter. I can really feel that. You see the glorious sunshine covering every part of nature, beer gardens and squares with outdoor seating and it fully draws people out from their houses into the spaces of the city. And what happens if you have nothing to pull you out the house? Well incomes that feeling of aloneness. I think the summer seperation of isolation can hurt and cut a little deeper than the winter. Because it feels that as soon as a speckle of warmth is around everyone has a big social group of 20 and all get on, all smililing and all seem to be free on a Wednesday afternoon?? (doea anyone work anymore!?).

I find it intimidating walking past a pub with great crowds of friends upon friends all laughing and I’m walking to go back home after maybe not even having said one word to someone all day. I feel guilty that I don’t have plans, no catch ups, and feeling like everyone I message is already busy. It’s perception. It always is. Who we see, we think might be friends all giggling away and joking around might actually hate all those people? or maybe this is the first time in a while they have seen each other (and could be the last as well). What we think is everyone being busy might really be everyone needs their own downtime too to recharge. Summer and the plans around it can become more obligations, a fear to be alone, a wonder when someone messages you next, a crave to be outside and not waste a second in the dark confinded spaces of home, to always look busy.

So why does summer feel scary to be alone? Maybe that’s our perception of what it means to be alone. We view big groups of friends as better than the one to one. Or why does a friday night in during a bold 20 degree evening feel criminal and unhinged? I am such a guilty member of the party for fearing that I will never have another friday or satuday night plan if I miss a few.. I know I feel just as guilty when I see sun hit my face as I bed rot and decide not to run outside in it.

So while you read this seeing that your calendar is not as busy as you would like I do think one of the best ways to help with this is - INITIATE! Be bold, message, make plans, plan to be outside (whether that’s solo or with someone). try not to sit silently waiting for the phone to buzz with someone wanting you. Be a person to want others. Feel like you havnt got anyone to message? Okay so, you know a spider diagram? I started to make one but for my social connections. listening all the people I know and branching the people I knew from the people I knew and then on. Even though you feel like you’ cant message someone who is at least 3 branches away from the main source - but you can! Summer can be a more socially connecting time too! Meet someone who maybe you met only once before, see where an invite goes!

As ever, you’re not alone, even more so not in summer!